Infinite time and no ambition

Vanda Scaravelli said this of yoga practice. If we’re interested in the discovering the body rather than learning a pose, that is.

Some times when I give a yoga class, we come to a pose and someone might start, quite without realising it, drumming their fingers on the floor (indeed I’ve known a student actually reached for a book on a nearby shelf and quizzically started reading the cover!)

I love these little pulsations of boredom. We’re human. We get tired of the inquiry, we want to get off. And indeed sometimes we need to move, reach for something else to give us a vantage point from which to look. And maybe I just face it, my teaching just isn’t interesting enough, it’s too slow, it doesn’t meet people where they are…face it, it’s dull!

But perhaps more interesting to muse is, what is happening in the experience of impatience and boredom…those in-between moments? Where does the heart go when there’s nothing to stimulate, grasp, desire or complain about, frown at, push away? What is the mind doing during the hours of dullness that pervades so much of our ‘waking’ life?

Waking up to the wonder of our world and who we are is not an ego trip. It’s exactly in the finger-drumming moments, the reaching for ‘some thing better’ that a window opens for us to say ‘hey, let’s listen in here’. Difficult. Be heartened however – this is the joyful realisation of the mystics and awakened ones – our distraction (‘why me?’ ‘this hurts, I’m going somewhere else’, ‘take this cup from me’) is the measure of our suffering. And that’s a lot to measure, which is why the gathering of the consciousness, the return to love, takes so long. But if you really listen in right now, give yourself a beautiful moment of ‘youness’ to see the ‘isness’ and ‘wellness’ of everything you might get a glimpse of how worthwhile staying with it really can be.

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